In this city where house prices are soaring, I, as a foreigner, am very lucky to have an apartment in the inner ring. Now, however, the vast space seems to have become a cage. Many nights, I was awakened by nightmares. I can pretend to be competent in front of people, and no one knows what I work hard for. I just want relief.
I was born in a small city in the central part of China, and my family is well off. After I finished college in Beijing, my parents originally hoped that I would return to my hometown and at least have enough food and clothing. However, I insisted on going to the south. In this s City, which is mainly inhabited by immigrants, I found a job and began my first love.
Xiao is five years older than me. He has been in s city for three years. His career is stable. He dotes on me. After dating for half a year, we cohabited. Filial piety does most of the housework in the family, such as laundry and cooking. I believe a man does this because he loves that woman very much!
The biggest obstacle between me and Xiao comes from his parents. Xiao’s monthly income is about 10000 yuan, of which 80% is used to send back to his parents. Because his father was addicted to gambling, he was heavily in debt. As his only son, Xiao had no reason to ignore his family. I certainly hesitated about these. However, what a seductive thing it is to be in love with each other. By comparison, what is a little gambling debt?
When we were still in S City, Xiao’s mother came from her hometown to play. At that time, we had already lived together. While Xiao was away, his mother came to me for a heart to heart talk. She said bluntly that her family owed a lot of money and always wanted her son to find a rich woman to marry. So, that night, I broke up with Xiao and packed my luggage to move away, but Xiao’s tears finally retained me.
Two years ago, because Xiao’s company wanted to open a branch in Shanghai, he got the leader to come back to Shanghai. Soon after, I followed him. At that time, the house price was not as outrageous as it is now. Xiao and I would go to the real estate market on every rest day, and after some comparison and analysis, we chose a set of two rooms and one hall next to the inner ring.
Because Xiao’s family was in financial difficulties, I persuaded my parents to pay the down payment, and then let Xiao pay the rest. They didn’t want to say anything at first, but my daughter likes it. Besides, after arriving in Shanghai, Xiao’s monthly salary has increased. We are not spendthrift. We will still be happy in a few years. However, perhaps because of excessive pressure and lack of determination, Xiao, on the one hand, was preparing for the wedding, but on the other hand, he was involved in an ambiguous relationship with a Shanghai woman. At that time, I was so busy with decoration that I didn’t know he was cheating.
Nearly three months before the wedding, Xiao proposed to break up with me. The woman had some business dealings with him, and when she learned that he was about to get married, she immediately forced him with her life. I know you can’t believe everything. I’m not stupid enough to believe that a man with full capacity will leave his fiancee because of intimidation.
However, the bigger blow was that Xiao left our new home as if she had evaporated without my knowledge.
After Xiao left, my body went from bad to worse. I still insisted on going to work and finally fainted on the way home from work one day. When I woke up, I was already lying in the hospital bed. My parents came from other places and were anxiously sitting beside me. The doctor said that I had to undergo splenectomy immediately, otherwise my life would be in danger. In addition, he told me that I was two months pregnant. The news came as a bolt from the blue to me. Even the father who had seen a lot of the world was stunned. He stayed there for a long time before he remembered to call Xiao. Anyway, he was also the father of the child.
At first, my parents didn’t know about my love affair with Xiao. It wasn’t until I couldn’t get through to my mobile phone that I felt something was wrong. Finally, I learned everything from my friend. My father was so angry that he called Xiao’s parents’ house. Two meters away, I actually heard his mother’s answer on the other side of the phone in the hospital bed, which meant that if his son was not here, his family would not recognize him. As for marriage, they never thought of coming to our wedding. My father was immediately angry and scolded them on the phone for being shameless.
The doctor suggested taking away the child, but in fact, I never thought about keeping him. At that time, I was very desperate. I had only one idea in my heart, that is, to die peacefully on the operating table. I really can’t face the world anymore!
However, the operation was not as successful as I expected. After half a year’s rest and recuperation, I put myself back into work. After all, for me, a monthly loan of more than NT $5000 is not a small amount. In order to forget all this in the past, I turned myself into a spinning top. I worked more than 12 hours a day, and lived a busy and full life. I would no longer have extra strength to recall the past.
However, what makes me painful is that there will always be something unexpected that will remind me of those painful memories. In particular, we chose the house I live in together, and we decided on the layout and everything inside. It seems that filial piety is everywhere in this world
My efforts have greatly improved myself. I don’t know if I should answer that sentence: frustrated in love, happy in work. Now I am a strong woman worthy of the name in the eyes of others.
Seeing that I was getting older, my parents began to worry about me and kept trying to arrange a blind date, but I refused without hesitation. In fact, there are many excellent suitors around me, but I really don’t have the courage to invest in love any more. Please tell me, how can I get rid of the shadow of memory and let myself and others who may accompany me to the rest of my life accept that unbearable past?
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