I. high expectations for marriage
From love to marriage, we have been “deceiving” ourselves with our own fantasies. This kind of “deceiving” is often unconscious, blind, and transcends time and space. It is a fantasy that can equate a hot love with a “warm” marriage. Because of the impact of passion and the packaging of sweet words, we have high expectations for our married life. The beautiful marriage in fantasy replaces the real marriage. The story of snow white and the prince has evolved into the embodiment of “high standards” and “strict requirements” in our married life. This is an external packaging we attach to our marriage, that is, our high expectations for marriage. Once this beautiful fantasy and artificial packaging are replaced by the trivialities of married life, with the unmet needs after marriage, disappointment and despair will come to us like “dark clouds pressing on the city” with a feeling of being deceived. In fact, it is not that person who deceived you, but your high expectations for marriage.
II. Excessive self-esteem and sensitive mentality
In the marriage life, moderate self-esteem and sensitivity are a good state of mind, but excessive self-esteem and sensitivity will force one’s marriage to a dead end. The instructions before marriage are strictly followed, and the requirements after marriage are corrupt. One is attentive and the other is procrastinating. The contrast between before and after marriage has forced our self-esteem into a narrow path. One of the husband and wife will think that his or her spouse is belittling and disrespecting himself or herself. In order to defend their own dignity, they are too “self-esteem” and sensitive to each other’s words, deeds and actions, especially if they say something inadvertently or do something unintentionally, they will “mean” for a long time. To put it mildly, this kind of mentality is called excessive love. To put it mildly, it is nervousness. If it is not desensitized in time, it will only accelerate the other party’s rebellious psychology and psychological heaviness in the long run.
III. mentality of shirking responsibility
It is inevitable that there will be storms in life, and difficulties and setbacks are inevitable in marriage. When storms strike, what is most needed is the sense of responsibility and solidarity of both sides, rather than mutual blame, evasion and prevarication. Choosing a person, a marriage and a life are all my own decisions. Since I chose them, I should have the courage to face them, undertake them. Shirking and evading responsibilities can only make complaints promote and aggravate the disintegration of their feelings.
IV. expectation of return
Some couples’ marriage is like pulling a big saw. You have to repay me as much as I have paid for you; If I treat you well, you must treat me well, otherwise, this big saw will not be pulled. If one party does not do well enough and loves enough, the disappointment, worry and unhappiness of the other party will arrive as scheduled, and all the happiness in the past will be easily ignored, and the worry and unhappiness will not be so easy to be waved away. Once this emotion permeates into the marriage life, it is easy to cause one party’s mentality to get out of control and psychological imbalance, and emotional deviation may lead to marital deviation.
v. disrespectful mentality
After getting married for a long time, they will think that the other party is already their own people. They don’t care what they say or do. They will be very casual in the way they talk and the way they handle family affairs. They rarely take into account the feelings and attitudes of the other party. In fact, in a family, respect is the foundation of love and harmonious coexistence between husband and wife. Many unhappiness between husband and wife is caused by the fact that one party does not respect the other in the handling of small matters. In order to fight for breath, couples began a long-term psychological contest. The cold war became a regular customer who swallowed up love. Once love was enveloped by this bad atmosphere, how could the warmth between couples last?
VI. intolerance
In a family, it is relative, but not absolute, whether one can do well or not. Many things are impossible to do, and only in the process of doing can there be qualitative changes. Therefore, a husband and wife should try not to force and blame each other, let alone find fault with each other. However, many couples just don’t understand this reason. If it is slightly against their own wishes, they will accuse the other party. Over a long period of time, the accused party will not feel that they have done a bad job, but will have a mentality of counterattack. Because of long-term repression and dissatisfaction, it is inevitable that the feelings between husband and wife will change from hot to cold. If the repressed emotions can not be released in time, the repression and dissatisfaction between each other will be triggered at any time.
VII. Over dependence mentality
The emotional and psychological interdependence between husband and wife can deepen the love between each other, but excessive dependence may become a burden on each other’s emotions and psychology. On the surface, excessive dependence is an expression of love, but in fact, it is a kind of plunder and possession of love. Normal dependence is a state of mutual support and psychological satisfaction. Beyond this support and state, people will doubt their love, suspect that the other party no longer loves them, or that their love for themselves is not strong enough. After many doubts, it is to keep love away from you again and again.
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