In fact, Ms Li’s ideas are not unusual. Compared with the post-80s parents, who take a staring, following, and defensive attitude towards their children’s love during their college years, the post-90s parents turn to encourage, urge, and even help their children find a marriage partner in person.
Last week, a survey of 1503 people conducted by China Youth Daily Social Survey Center through Beijing Yipai market consulting company showed that 67.9% of the respondents had been in love in college, and 37.6% agreed that college students should include love in their college life plans.
10 years ago
falling in love is like “underground work”
“At that time, when we were in love, we had to hide it from our parents. The students in the same dormitory also had to help ‘cover up’. It was mysterious, like doing ‘underground work’.” Teacher pan, who works as a counselor in a university in Wuhan, described his love experience in the university that year.
Mr. Pan, 31, studied at Wuhan University when he was a undergraduate. He met Mr. Wang when he was a sophomore. At that time, Mr. Wang was studying in another university. “At that time, mobile phones were not popular. If I went on a date, my parents would call me in the dormitory, and my classmates would find all kinds of reasons to help me perfunctory. I went to self-study, the teacher told me to have something to do, took a bath, fetched water, and so on. I said all the reasons I could think of. Our love affair was concealed until both of us graduated from college.” Teacher Pan said.
parents are afraid that their children will affect their learning.
Now, among the post-80s generation who are about 30 years old, the vast majority of love in college is secretly carried out without their parents’ knowledge. Many parents will ring the alarm before their children go to university, fearing that their children will be “poisoned” by love, which will affect their studies.
Ms. Liu, who lives in Dajiang Park, Hankou, is strict with her daughter’s tutoring: “my daughter has been admitted to Beijing University. I am worried that falling in love will affect her energy and delay her study. I have repeatedly asked her to promise that she will not fall in love for four years in University.” But Ms. Liu now regrets that her daughter did not find a boyfriend smoothly after graduation. She married only five or six years after graduation. My daughter sometimes complains that her old-fashioned ideas almost made her a “leftover woman”.
The 29 year old daughter of Mr. Li, a manager of a hotel in Wuchang, has already married and had children. Talking about the reason why he didn’t let his daughter fall in love during the University, he was mainly afraid that his daughter would be hurt. Mr. Li believes that at that time, his daughter was not allowed to fall in love, mainly because girls, as a vulnerable group, were easily hurt in love.
nowadays
parents take junior students on blind dates
“One year after I went to college, my parents talked to me once. They thought that I was in my 20s and an adult. I could make my own decisions about love. If there were a suitable boy, I could try it.” The parents of Li, a junior at Hubei University, are very open-minded about love.
Classmate Li told the reporter that love in school is basically open, and there is no need to hide it from parents. Some students who have been talking for one or two years have met their parents. If some girls are still single in their junior and senior years, their parents will even arrange blind dates. “Before graduation, parents will introduce the children of some friends to meet each other, which is actually a blind date. I feel that our parents are more anxious than us about our love problems.”
love is considered as a kind of growth.
Ms. Li, who works in a public institution in Wuchang, has recently been busy organizing blind dates for her third year daughter: “I have greeted several friends. If there is a suitable young man, please remember to introduce him to me. They all joked that I am afraid that my daughter will become a ‘leftover daughter’.” Ms. Li believes that her daughter is 21 years old, and it is right to fall in love now. If it goes smoothly, she will meet the right person, get married after two or three years of dating, become pregnant and have children one or two years after marriage. The time is just right. “Now there are more and more leftover women and elderly mothers. I hope my daughter can settle down at the right age, so it’s time to fall in love.”
Mr. Xu’s son, who lives in Baibuting, Hankou, has been admitted to a university in another place and has started school. He thinks that we should fall in love once during college. “In fact, many of our classmates fell in love when we were at school. At the age of 20 or so, love is also an experience and growth.”
do girls have any requirements for the man’s financial conditions
A group of survey data on post-90s college students’ views on marriage and love show that only 21.5% of the post-90s believe that men can get married only if they have a car, and only 63.5% of the post-90s believe that men can get married only if they have a house.
Of course, there are also a few girls who will directly tell the boys who have confessed to themselves that everything is free without a car or a house, and those who have a car or a house need no loans, and even ask the men to arrange a good job for themselves before agreeing to fall in love with others.
Generally speaking, girls are more interested in emotion and future than money. Zheng, a classmate from Northeast Normal University, said that love can not be measured by money, but the most important thing is the thought spent on love. And now girls are becoming more and more independent. Economically, many girls also agree with the AA system, or at least they will bear part of it.
the survey shows that girls are more likely to choose “potential stocks”
The survey shows that only 30% of female college students agree that “it is better to marry well than to do well”, 38.4% of female college students intend to “marry a bowl” (marry a man with an iron rice bowl), and 59.2% of female college students express their willingness to marry the “rich second generation”. However, 57.6% of the female students said that they were willing to choose “potential stocks” as their marriage objects. Most of the girls (57.6%) do not care whether the other party has money now, but whether the other party is good to themselves and intelligent and has development potential.
most girls think that love and marriage can be separated.
On the issue of love and marriage, the vast majority of female college students believe that love and marriage can be separated, that love is not the premise of marriage, and that marriage is not the inevitable purpose of love. Nearly half of the people said they were not sure about the prediction of marrying their boyfriend in the future, accounting for 22.4%, and 7% thought it was impossible.
there are reasons for love or not in college.
Many college students believe that falling in love during college is a compulsory course in life. However, the teacher does not recommend talking about it in freshman year. He thinks that it may be more rational to choose a future partner in combination with one’s own life after the senior year is relatively mature and has a relatively broad vision. It is more important for freshmen to adapt to college life.
Although many people believe that dating in college can improve people’s emotional intelligence, it can also enhance the sense of responsibility of both sides and learn to take responsibility. And the love in the student era is also more sincere and simple, which is worth experiencing. However, many people think that love is not an indispensable part of college life, and personal development and growth are more important. “College is a place for learning”.
three forms of love should be opposed.
Although it is a personal freedom to love or not to love in college, as far as the correct concept of love is concerned, we should take a clear-cut stand against the excessive pursuit of formal romance with money as the “pioneer”, the love without a sense of responsibility and long-term planning that wastes studies for the temporary enjoyment of love, and the reckless sexual behavior of anticipating love.
everyone has the right to pursue love equally.
At the end of last year, a media survey showed that 40% of college students from rural areas lacked initiative in love and called them “unworthy to talk about love”. About 38.5% of college students in rural areas were not confident in love. “Losers are not qualified to fall in love”, “financially independent”, “feel that they are unable to give each other happiness” and “unworthy of falling in love” have become the main reasons why rural students are afraid of falling in love.
Education experts believe that some college students from rural areas do show a sense of inferiority when it comes to love, and are also shy of showing themselves in the process of communicating with the opposite sex. However, college students, especially rural college students, should not only learn professional knowledge, but also learn to communicate with others, including the opposite sex. They have too low self-esteem, which will inevitably affect their professional development.
As Chen Jining, President of Tsinghua University, said at the opening ceremony of 2013 freshmen, “to experience setbacks and learn from them is the only way for a person to grow up and mature, and is also a required link of a university.” college students should dare and be good at communicating with others, and should not affect their feelings and future development because of their inferiority complex.
Leave a Reply