Hidden marriage means that people who have fulfilled the legal formalities of marriage do not declare their married status. According to the survey, most of the “hidden marriages” are between 25 and 35 years old, and most of them are women. A website recently launched the 2009 survey report on the marriage and love situation of Chinese people. The data shows that 60% of single men and women can accept hidden marriage if it is really necessary.
It can be seen that the team of “hidden marriage families” may be growing with the intensification of workplace pressure. According to the survey data, 60% of single people will consider accepting hidden marriage when the other party proposes it, and the proportion of women accepting it is significantly lower than that of men (50.4% for women and 65.5% for men).
Zhang Hong and her husband met in 2004 and got married in 2008. Half a year after marriage, her husband had an affair, and Zhang Hong forgave him at that time. Zhang Hong, who is now six months pregnant, found out not long ago that her husband was actually a hermit.
She said: “he never admitted that he was a married person on the Internet, and never admitted me and the baby in his belly. Once I left a message in his space saying that he was going to be a father, but he quarreled with me, saying that I didn’t believe him, saying that he hated me the most, and deleting that message. Reading the articles in his space made people feel that he had been hurt by feelings, and that he was a spoony, lonely and amorous man.
He is 31 years old this year, and will be a father in the autumn. I wonder what his secret marriage is for. ” Zhang Hong also said that in real life, her husband is also very kind to her, so she is more confused and at a loss about her husband’s behavior.
Ms. Wu confided through the hotline: I have been married to him for four years and have a daughter. Up to now, I don’t know any of his friends. He never takes me out or takes my friends home. I don’t know anything about his private life. He does everything without telling me. He doesn’t let me know about his contacts with other girls. The reason is that he’s afraid I’m unhappy.
He never communicated with me… Most people think that hidden marriage is for career and a white lie in the workplace. They are worried that they will be discriminated against by their leaders because of their married status, and they are afraid of being snubbed by their colleagues. Being single can win more convenience and employment opportunities for entertaining customers. One of the hidden marriage mentality: fear that bosses will discriminate against the workplace has potential competition rules. Once people are labeled as marriage, their competitiveness will often be greatly reduced, so some married people choose “hidden marriage”.
For a married female employee who has no children or is newly married, the boss will be worried, because a series of problems such as her pregnancy, childbirth and child care will affect her work.
Moreover, some bosses will think that married people are easy to close themselves up and no longer pursue progress, and no longer show initiative in work. Therefore, enterprises often assign jobs requiring enthusiasm and vitality to single employees with relatively light burdens.
Second, hidden marriage mentality: fear that colleagues will be snubbed by colleagues. Married people with a family are always tied to a lot of housework and responsibilities, so they will naturally be excluded from playing, shopping and outings.
This year, Ms. Tian, 28, has experienced such a situation since her marriage. She works in a newspaper and most of her colleagues are single. Before marriage, she always went to small parties and stayed up late to enjoy herself. After marriage, every time I had dinner with my colleagues, before I finished eating, my husband would call her to remind her to drink less or to tell her to go home early. Everyone felt a little disappointed.
Over time, she was naturally excluded from some of the company’s entertainment and parties. The distance between Ms. Tian and some customers and colleagues seems to be getting farther and farther, and her happiness in work is getting less and less.
Until she found an advertising company again later, Ms. Tian and her husband made an appointment. For the sake of work, she did not disclose that she was married for the time being. She participated in some necessary entertainment when she should. Secret marriage mentality No. 3: marriage is private, and there is no need to make it public. 33% of single men and women think that marriage is personal privacy, and there is no need to make it public.
In fact, the conclusion of a marriage relationship is a social act in itself, and the details of marriage life are privacy. But what is the degree of privacy of the marriage certificate itself? Some friends also told the reporter that they did not deliberately hide the fact of marriage, but were unwilling to bring it up on their own initiative. Xiaoya has been married for one and a half years. Because of her work, she has not arranged a banquet.
Except for the closest friends, most colleagues and casual friends don’t know. When asked about the reason, she said faintly that marriage was her own business, and there was no need to publicize it. Secret marriage mentality 4: don’t want to sacrifice the opposite sex. In the survey, 26.4% believed that secret marriage was for the opposite sex, keeping an ambiguous relationship with the opposite sex or leaving room for romance.
Netizen Ji Feifei said that her boyfriend, who had lived together for half a year, had been very good and happy. It was time to talk about marriage, but suddenly she found that he was married, and even his child was three years old. For more than a year, we lived together for half a year and gave birth to him. How can we say that we can share. The beautiful love that I just had vanished in a flash, and I also had a bad reputation of seducing other people’s husbands.
In front of the harsh reality, Ji Feifei said that neither hate nor regret. The following situations may be signs of hidden marriage. 1. The mantra is “I’m alone…” although mature men and women who are close to or over 30 years old often make friends with the opposite sex, they still behave as “loners” in the end.
2. When we were having a good talk, you suddenly asked, “I heard your lover looks very good?” He would immediately ask, “who did you listen to?”
3. I seldom make intimate phone calls in the office. When we talk about marriage problems and emotional affiliation, I immediately keep silent as if nothing had happened.
4. Occasionally you will find a white mark on his ring finger. When you ask the reason, most of them will smile without answering.
After work, when a group of single men and women are playing outside, his phone will ring after 8 or 9 p.m.
6. When you answer the mobile phone, you will find that he is nervous and hesitant: “OK, I know”, “mm-hmm, bye bye”, “soon, I’ll talk later”, obviously trying to get rid of the other party as soon as possible; Or at least once, I went outside to pick up my mobile phone; Or he pretends not to hear the incessant ringing of mobile phone text messages and the crazy ringing of mobile phones. When you remind him, he says, “I have the wrong number. Leave it alone.”
7. He always claims to be a happy single aristocrat, crazy, playful and laughing, but every holiday, his whereabouts become mysterious and difficult to contact.
8. He is keen to attend social gatherings alone and actively get to know the opposite sex. However, if he is asked to bring a female companion to attend on the invitation, he will not appear.
9. Friends play palm games. If you joke: “your palm shows that you will get married before you are 30 years old, or you can talk about marriage. Why are you still alone now?” He looked embarrassed, then pulled his hand back and couldn’t wait to change the topic.
10. The opposite sex who always keeps a single image suddenly appears around him as an uninvited guest. If others give him a sign to introduce him, his expression will be very unnatural. Afghan writer Khaled? Husseini said: “it is better to be hurt by the truth than to be comforted by lies.”.
This sentence can be used to guide the lost hidden marriage clan. Xu Anqi, a marriage expert, is worried that hidden marriage is only a psychological tendency of urban people and has no inevitable connection with their panic about marriage.
However, the soaring divorce rate and fragile and unstable marriage relations have increased people’s uncertainty about their marriage life, which is bound to have a certain negative impact. Hidden marriage is a dangerous game. The psychological hint of “not in a marital state” for a long time will weaken the sense of family responsibility and may trigger a marriage crisis. Famous critic ye Chuanlong once wrote that “hidden marriage is a beautiful time bomb”.
He believes that “hidden marriage” is not unmarried, still less should it become a normal situation. Men and women in the workplace must distinguish between the situation and the situation, pay attention to strategies, grasp moderation, and treat it rationally. For example, when applying for a job, you should try to be honest, believe in your strength, and truthfully fill in your marital status; In work, you can respond flexibly according to your needs;
In dealing with people, we should take into account the legal responsibility of marriage and the social responsibility of the family. Otherwise, bigamy will arise, be investigated by law, and tarnish our personality. Some of the gains outweigh the losses.
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