Marriage and love that respect each other like guests are not necessarily happy, it is more likely to give birth to hypocrisy and betrayal. And couples who can quarrel often have a better life – quarreling adds spice to a watery marriage, giving each other a way to vent and communicate.
Actually, there are two kinds of quarrels: malignant and benign. Vicious quarrels are endless, there is no right or wrong, and trivial matters can be raised to the realm of collapse. This kind of quarrel kills marriage, destroys love, and ultimately harms others and oneself.
A healthy quarrel is a healthy relationship between husband and wife. Benign quarrels can promote understanding, reach consensus, and vent each other’s negative emotions. If you hide it at ordinary times, it can be revealed through quarreling. In this way, we know each other’s real thoughts, and our future life will be more harmonious.
four characteristics of vicious quarrels:
1. Three words of discord, slamming the door and leaving
“These days can’t be passed!” people who leave behind such a sentence and slam the door are bound to have tragic marriage and love. Leaving home is not the way to solve problems, and slamming the door is not the attitude to restore love. The combination of the two can bury your love in advance.
2. Divorce with open mouth and break up with closed mouth
When we quarrel, we will call for divorce; when we quarrel, we will break up. Such love can’t hurt. Marriage is not a game, nor is love a game. To paraphrase a phrase in the love business, “you wanted to separate at the beginning, and you separated when you separated!”
3. Attack each other and expose each other’s scars
“You have no ability at all, you’re just a loser.” when you use this phrase on a man who lives on his self-esteem, it is tantamount to slapping them both in the face. Hitting is a taboo in quarreling and a wound in marriage and love. A wound is easy to heal, but a scar is hard to heal.
4. Endless, wordy
You still complain about the trivial matter three years ago. So a small quarrel becomes a big one, and a small matter becomes a big one. Finally, they divorced and broke up, and it was hard to recover what had been lost. Some things that should be forgotten should not be forgotten. Otherwise, the consequences are unpredictable.
three characteristics of benign quarrel:
1. Choose the right person, the right time and the right place.
Swedish research shows that the four minutes before going out to work in the morning and the four minutes after returning home from work are the most likely to cause arguments between couples. This is the time when we are most tired physically and mentally. It is best not to have conflicts, otherwise it will be easy to intensify.
In addition, the place of quarrel is also very important. If you quarrel in the bedroom with the door closed, the problem will not spread and your emotions will not easily get out of control. Quarreling in front of parents, relatives, children or in public can easily intensify conflicts. Therefore, a good time and place should be selected for a good quarrel.
2. Say what you should say and do what you should do
Accusations and the cold war are the murderers who ruined marriage and love. Quarrel is to discuss the matter and solve the problem, instead of destroying people, personal attacks and negating each other. This will only bring malice. There will be no personal attack in a benign quarrel, and certainly there will be no deadlock in the quarrel in the way of the cold war.
3. Women don’t cry, men compromise
Women think that crying can exchange for men’s pity. In fact, angry men are more likely to understand tears as “Non Violence and non cooperation”. Emotional fluctuations caused by crying can easily intensify contradictions. The biggest characteristic of benign quarrels is that men should learn to compromise first. Women are illogical, and it is easy to be unreasonable in quarrels. When there is no argument, men had better shut up and give her a hug to solve all problems.
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