letter from netizen:
Hello, I write to you so rashly, and I don’t know if you will receive it. Today, I happened to see your reply on Pacific women’s online. I like it very much, so I write to you. Please forgive my rashness.
Yesterday, my father’s good friends came to pay New Year’s greetings and talked about my marriage. They always thought that I should give up my current boyfriend rationally. I felt reluctant to part with them. But I couldn’t marry someone they didn’t like completely regardless of my family’s feelings. I was very entangled and longed for you to help me.
He is my college classmate, two years older than me. He lives in Fujian and now works in Shanghai. I am studying in Taiyuan and graduating next year. We started to communicate after graduation. For nearly two years, we often communicate online. He visits me once a month on average. I am very happy with him. He takes care of me and understands my feelings. I feel comfortable and secure with him. What the family disagrees with is that the families of both parties are too far away, and the family conditions are not as good as ours. The only child is not tall and handsome, and none of the rigid conditions is satisfactory. My parents are worried that I will suffer with him. Now I am very entangled and don’t know how to make a choice. I feel that if I am with him, I can get the life I want. We have common ground in many aspects, but I don’t know how many variables there will be in facing the reality. I’m very upset now. I hope I can get your advice. Thank you.
reply:
Two years older than you, and only after graduation did they meet; Meet 20 times every two years, and communicate online at ordinary times; He is from the South and you are from the north; The conditions at home are general, and the parents are not unified; I’m not tall and handsome… I feel that your relationship is really a bit bad by listing the situations described in your letter one by one.
Although you are classmates, you are not in the same class, and you only met after graduation. You must not have enough common friends. So what kind of person he usually is: is his life regular or sloppy, is he generous or stingy to his friends, takes care of his roommates or gets along badly… In fact, you can’t fully understand.
The difference between North and south is also a problem. As a northerner, I have lived in Guangzhou for three years, and there will be many places where I can’t adapt. This maladjustment is not only in living habits, but also in values. When you are in love, you may think that these are small problems, but when you really live together, you will find that this regional difference will become the source of most disputes. For example, he is joking, but you think his speech is impolite; For example, you think it is a healthy lifestyle, but he thinks it is very unscientific; Another example is that his family may force you to identify with their culture and learn their dialect, which may not be acceptable to your self-esteem. Many of my friends will almost break up over such seemingly trivial matters.
The main reason why I don’t think highly of long-distance love is that you think he is very kind to you, but we only met 20 times in two years, even if we met for three days each time. Almost any man who has just fallen in love can unconditionally accommodate his girlfriend for two months. But it’s hard to say whether they spoil you like this after getting along with you for a long time. Another thing is that you think you are very similar in many places. In fact, love begins with finding the same things and ends with finding that they are too different. When in love, couples want to be consistent, for example, they want to wear lovers’ clothes or matching clothes. For example, even if they don’t like small animals, they still try to have a good relationship with your dog. For example, they will try what you like to eat. For example, they want to listen to the music they like… Besides, your same thing is to keep consistent when communicating online. It’s really easy to say, but it’s hard to say whether they will really accept and like it that much. If you fight until the end and find that what you love is only an illusion in the network, it is really sad.
As for your parents who think that his appearance is ordinary or his family conditions are ordinary, in fact, these are very secondary things in your love. What is a fancy man? Every woman has a different view. Johnny Depp is handsome enough, and Kim Hyun Joong is also dazzling. The two people are so different, and the fans who like them have completely different aesthetics. So the appearance of this thing is very hanging. You can just look comfortable and don’t care what others say. As for the family condition, it also depends on your personal living ability and tolerance. If you have the ability to make your life better, or if you have less material requirements, then find a man with a normal family, and your parents will not drag you down, which is enough.
Baby, what you really should do is consider whether you really know this boyfriend who has been in a long-distance relationship for two years.
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